Gratitude And God

Thanksgiving didn't start or originate in America (as many Americans falsely believe). Thanksgiving actually dates back across the Atlantic before Pilgrims settled at Plymouth. It's a celebration revered by earlier Egyptians, Greeks, and Romans who gave 'thanks' to their Gods after a good harvest. 

**fyi** Thanksgiving is religious-based, thus for those people who wanna cancel Christmas because it has "Christ" in it, ya probably should add Thanksgiving to your list of holidays you don't believe in too.

Anyway, ENOUGH about history. 

THANKSGIVING!

I'm allergic to bread stuffing, beets, candied yams, anything mixed with Mayo, and Pumpkin Pie (FML).

 So usually I stick to Turkey, Ham, Gravy and rice just to be safe :-)

I'm off to visit my family in Utah this week for a mini-family-reunion (no for the 10th time I'm not from Utah, I grew up in Mililani and my parents bought a house there when I graduated from Kamehameha in '05). 

So this'll be one of the best Thanksgivings (if not the only good one) that I've had since 2004. 

 I'd list everything I'm grateful and thankful for, but there's too many. 

And since Thanksgiving is centered to give thanks to God or previous culture's 'Gods', I wanted to write a bit about 'the man upstairs'.

I have a lot of friends and distant family that don't believe in God, and that's perfectly fine. They're very spiritual, maybe not religious, but they live respectfully, are great people, and they believe in a higher power, but not necessarily "God". 

For me, I believe in God. 

And for a long time I didn't. 

I grew up Mormon, most of my family is Mormon (or Samoan 7th Day Adventists or Catholic).  I did everything the right-way growing up, and in high school.  I've lived in a close-knit religious community in Hawaii for the past 12 years now, and honestly, I love driving to McDonald's every Sunday morning because that's the only time the breakfast line is empty and there's NO ONE I'll run into :-) **btw, if I see u in line at McDonalds, just wave "hi" back. 'Ain't no sense in pretending your invisible because you just spent $20 on Sunday LIKE ME, and I don't judge. **

But a few years (2 exact) ago I reached a point where I hated religion and church, and I wasn't sure if God was real or not. 
I won't get into it (so just read my past blogs), but I was so sick of "religious" reminders that my life wasn't going the way all Mormon's are supposed to go, such as:

• You don't get divorced.  
• You go into denial when people tell you things that you should've listened to, but you wanna show everyone your home is perfect anyway (trust me, I've been there and seen A LOT of people who do it around me).
• You are perfect. Everyone else around you is not, and it's our job to remind people that other's are not so that we feel better about our inner skeletons in the closet. 
•  You don't wear short shorts to Foodland even though it's 100 degrees outside. 
• If you're not married or dating someone stable enough after any break-up, then something is obviously wrong with you. 

The reason for this post is not because I am bitter, but moreso want people to know that I think God just loves.  And I didn't feel loved for a long time, nor am I preaching the bible to anyone. Just letting the world know why I'm grateful for Thanksgiving and all the giving that God gives me. 
(Oh trust me, I WAS definitely bitter and MAD (io diary of a mad black woman eeeeh) for a long time). Now that I really am in the best place ever, and for once in YEARS, I'm Lanea again :-) And very happy Lanea. 

So I wanted to write this to say that I believe in God, and 3 (LONG) reasons why I know he's real:

1. I hadn't gone to church for the past few years. I only recently started making an effort to go a little more. Middle of last year, I decided I was tired of the way my life was going, and I realized that there were huge things I really needed to repent for. So I went to talk to someone about it at church because that's the way you're supposed to be forgiven right? After opening up and spilling my black heart out, I was told by an "authority" figure, "Well, I'm not going to lie, I've heard some bit about you and it's pretty alarming.  I'm glad you came in to see me, but I'm going to be honest, divorce is may be unforgivable, let alone a few other sins you've told me. The only way you're going to fix this is by moving away and cutting off contact with anyone from here. It may do you a favor, and everyone else too."    (NO this is not a false story, and I've held onto my rage the very few times I've had to run into this unfortunate elected church figure).  It also didn't help that in my new ward, I had sat next to some girl's boyfriend in sacrament (cuz DUH 'aint no other seat for the brown girl) and she consequently told some of the "sisters" in relief society not to talk to me. So a lot of 'em didn't. Hypocrites.   

• Moral: Even moreso, I was determined to stay where I was, regardless of what people think of me. I avoided that Stake Center since then, until this year when I really had to use the bathroom, and the BYU housing bathroom was shut.  MISTAKINGLY, I mistrusted most church figures because of this one. And I've let myself be so angry at God because of one judgemental old man who suffers from being human. God doesn't judge, and he doesn't push people away. People do that. And I realized God does love me, when my own parents told me how much they still loved me despite my crazy circumstances and when I told them I don't want to go to church ever again.  Parent's love. God is our parent, so he loves. 

1. I've heard everything there was to be heard about me at work at PCC.  Some of my "real good friends" were the very ones gossiping about me, and even stopped talking to me for a while. Consequently, to some people I had the plague apparently, or they'd avoid me for fear of my lashing out (as I was a ticking time bomb), or because they didn't want to be associated with me. Yet, the same people at work use the gospel as a crutch and have the most "spiritual" spiritual thoughts at work or work devotionals, especially when they talk about missionary work or loving your neighbor.  Ironic. It made me hate anything to do with church, over and over again.

Believe me, my anger at work made me pretty cruel to others

• Moral:  I hadn't prayed in over 2 years, and on the day of my last interview for the airlines, I prayed to just get a break out of life and away from a familiar work environment that I didn't have balls enough to leave behind. I had also prayed that they'd still consider me, considering that my clothes were wrinkled, I had lost my cover letter, and I got there 5 minutes late because I got lost in the building. He blessed me that day, and he gave me opportunities even though I didn't think my prayers meant anything :-)

1. I thought I had done everything the right way. I got married, tried to be the best housewife ever, cooked, cleaned, worked for a year to go to the temple, went to the LDS temple, got sealed, and afterwards, everything went downhill. And kept rolling downhill. Believe me, I was angry. I was angry because I thought I did everything the way I had learned my whole life, so I didn't understand why nothing worked out for me. I didn't think I deserved half the treatment I had. I was mad at everyone in the world for looking at my life, my marriage, my mistakes, my trials and pointing their fingers from the outside. So I grew hate. A lot of it. And I nurtured it for a long time.

• Moral:  I slooooowwwwlllyyy let go of negative. I let go of people, places, and feelings that didn't let me progress. Some were easier than others. Others were like a negative habit that took me a longer time.  I didn't go to church or pray as much, instead I talked out loud in my car to Heavenly Father. I'd cry, talk, and then swear at all the drivers on the road. After 3 years, I learned that my hate was because all of what I thought was in store for me, was so different compared to what God really had planned. And trust me, it took me a long time to trust God enough to change me. So I did. And I'm here today. Incandescently happy.

I have a long way to go, but I'm relieved to start the holidays, NOT hating the holidays. 
My next month's post is some pretty big stuff, so I'll stop here. 

And lastly, God doesn't hate. For all of my gay friends out there, humans hate, not God. God understands everything and everyone. So I hope the past SB1 debates and stuff on fb haven't scared you away from believing there is a God. No one deserves to have a human "finger of God" pointed at them telling them they're all damned. No one has that right, but God. 

So....

'Because I have been given much, I too must give.."

I have 3 open slots for next months. From the 19th-31st of December, I'll by busy holiday-ing. From Dec. 7th (Saturday) to Dec. 13th (Friday) I'll be as free as all the loose dogs that no one ever seems to leash in my Kona neighborhood.

And I'd like to offer 3 slots for hair, makeup, and photos for 3 lucky ladies.

I do all 3 as a hobby on the side. Most of my friends are extreme make-up- hair savvy-fashionistas. So I get inspiration from them too :-)

So if you have someone close to you (mom, sister, cousin, friend, aunty, etc.,.) who needs some extra pampering, or self-boosting for the holidays, please message me on facebook, my phone, or email: laneasnow@yahoo.com.

Also, I just finished my website :-) Go and visit it: 

http://laneasnow.wix.com/laneas

We can set something up. 

PAU

Entitlement + Relation-shipping *Part 2*

So lately.....

I've discovered there's a huge world to explore right were we live. 80% of it is free (Kama'aina discount fo' free!). And *big news* I'm moving to Kona this month :-)

Less people. Less traffic. Less crowded beaches. More country. And hundreds of guava trees on the side of the road.

So please, come visit me sometime. I'll be 3/4 time in Kona, and 1/4 time on Oahu. 

So moving on

2 Things:

(1)

Entitlement

• entitlement (en-tite-ol-ment) = mentally, socially or physically feeling that the world/society owes you.  Meaning #2 = contributing/paying minimal effort/amount and expecting maximum output/results.

All human races suffer from entitlement (moreso Americans). Maybe not Japanese people so much because every single Japanese person I have ever come across (10 different trips to Japan, plus Japanese tourists in Hawaii) is nice and has never treated or acted in such a way that they're better than anyone else, or deserve better treatment.

OUR SOCIETY (mostly America) IS TOO ENTITLED FOR THEIR OWN GOOD! 

People everywhere these days seems to grumble, complain, or sue for just about EVERYTHING! 

Take for example:

• Freebies (which includes free airplane meals). ITS FREE! Why on earth would anyone complain about anything if it's free and they didn't pay for it? Don't like something that's free (including complimentary meals you possibly get on any airline, restaurant, country fair, costco samples, etc.,.) then you should've brought your own (meaning you cook it yourself since you don't like it), paid $10 on fast food, or paid $1,000 to upgrade. Simple as that.  You want entitled treatment, then you pay extra. You pay extra, you can expect extra. You pay nothing, then don't expect anything.

• Waiting in Lines.  Don't cut in line. Don't feel entitled to walk in the front of any long line (including lines at the DMV, reservations, lunch, fast food, starbucks, etc.,.) and take your place at the front. You are not entitled to cut the line because you decided to get there late, don't feel like waiting, or are complaining because you had to wait in the same long line as all 100 other people. 

• GET OFF THE ROAD! This is mainly for retarded BYUH students who (year after year) insist on riding their bike, walking, or skateboarding in the middle of the road. You're never entitled to block traffic, make everyone on the road go around you, or get offended when people scream at you from cars, just because your parents didn't teach you how to use a sidewalk properly. FYI: If it's hilarious watching every car go by you and giving stink looks to locals driving, then it'll also be quite funny to get a soft drink thrown at you for your horrid behavior. 

**I find that in the US Mainland, people tend to complain about everything. Unless you Beyonce, yous just gotta wait or pay like errrrbody else**

(2)

RELATION-SHIPPING

A year ago I wrote about Relation-shippping (click for an old post).
My definition is in that older post.

At the top of the World (Mauna Kea) wrapped up with my #kuigotnoIG

I'm happy (oh so very happy) to be with a someone :-)

After quite a long time being independent, I've got myself a boyfriend who is quite a catch (I won't blow up his ego, so I'll stop there). As happy and complacent as I was to be friend-shipping for a very, very long time (since 2010) it is quite fulfilling to not have "special friends" here and there (as all the people in my world know I've had a tad too many of those because I have commitment issues). 

As I sit here, staring out at an incredible view of Sydney Harbor (I'm in Aussie Aussie Aussie at the moment), I'm so grateful me and my friend (in this beautiful country of Kangaroos) spent a week in another country to figure out that we like each other more than just friends. ------ (clickhere) Started from the bottom now we hea

So on the topic of Relation-shipping:
*as copied from last year's post*

Relation-shipping =  spending butt loads of hours and time with someone to see if you wanna bring/keep 'em in your life or ship 'em out for good.  Thus, relation-"shipping."

Dating + Marriage + Separation + Divorce = happened, for me, all between the years of 2006-2013. 
That's my life from 18 years old to 25. 
So you see, I have relationship anxiety and insecurity issues from all of that. 

*these next few paragraphs are pretty TMI and it'll upset *some people* but I'm feeling pretty open so I'm gonna write this ish anyway*

I like where I am right now. I love who I'm with. And because of all of that, I don't want ANY repeats of the past 7 years. I've learned from myself and past relationships that I don't want to ruin anything because of hurts or anxiety that was caused by other people. So I made a personal list for MYSELF to keep in mind and remember, but I figured maybe other people could benefit if something pops out at 'em =

Relation-shipping tidbits to and from myself:

• Marriage should only happen when YOU and SOMEONE are mentally, physically, socially, and emotionally ready.  I may be a less-active Mormon, but I doubt God intended us to go through all the "motions" of marriage just so that we can prove to ourselves and everyone else that we are on a "righteous path".  I see a lot of my friends who get married so they can prove to everyone that they're ready to be this person that I don't even think they realize they're not ready to be.  In marriage, you have the opportunity to become someone else, and be someone better.  Don't use marriage to prove anyone wrong because it'll make everyone else secretly think, "Not like I didn't see that one comin'" when it starts to fizzle.  

• Red flags sometimes disappear, but moreso resurface when you start to have any kind of cracks in your relationship.  My previous significant other had a tough childhood, teenage years, and earlier adult life. In dating, I saw huge red flags within the first 4 months of us. In our first year together, I'd never been with anyone who made me cry more, ride an incredibly steep emotional and mental rollercoaster daily, and had the ability to jeopardize the self assurance I once had.  I was a pretty broken person by the time we ended in 2010 because I chose to overlook a lot of flags that I never had control to change in the first place. Those flags are worse when they reappear when you're married......in the temple.

• Limit what you tell the world, in regards to relationship drama you're both having.  In other words, don't tell the whole damn world your ish between you two. I did this. Horribly.  I hated us, I hated the person I was, I hated the situation we were in, and I hated everything in the world. Since I couldn't get acceptance in my own home, I reached out to get it from anyone who'd give it to me. Eventually my life was a walking soap opera that everyone all over my town and PCC wanted to get a piece of. I figured that I'd rather people know then spread rumors about what they think they knew. Truth is, no one needs to know because it's only your business. I learned that the hard way because I had such low self esteem and was so unhappy. This post isn't to inform the world of any drama, but rather to help some of my specific friends understand my take on - relationshipping, as well as myself. 

• Let go of the 'victim role'. He and I played the victim role. We were both victims of each other. He is imperfect, and so am I. We were both too young and didn't know our own-selves yet before we got involved with each other.  Understand that you cannot claim to be a victim, or feel like one, as long as you're in charge of making your own decisions.  Only feel sorry for yourself if you didn't think with your head or your heart before you go and commit yourself to someone. I chose to be with someone who wasn't worthy or ready to be with me. I wasn't worthy or ready to be with someone either, yet he chose to use me (I'm not gonna lie, I treated him a lot better than he ever did for me and I'm not sorry for mentioning that either). 

• BE YOU! And continue to be you when you're with your someone.  I think people fall in love with each other when they're themselves.  If they're good people from the get go, you won't have to change yourself  just so that you can be with them.  Good people only enhance you to become a better version of yourself.  Do things for you that'll make you better for yourself and better for someone else in a positive way.  I'm learning that with my current squeeze ;-)

• Find someone that you can intellectually carry on a real conversation with about the world. Nothing more frustrating then having opinions, thoughts, rants, or ideas about everything in the world, only to be hushed about it, or not be able to talk about it.  My previous 'other' and I were in two different worlds that somehow would not blend together real well. We thought differently, cared about different things, and it seemed like the only talking or conversation we ever had was superficial or about other people.  If you find that you can't talk about politics, interests, work, education, current events, yourselves, or any thing other than your relationship, then the communication in the relationship will probably get real old or superficial.......or you'll just end up having to listen to someone else talk about themselves all the time.

• End or cut off ties you have with "special friends" or "Exes" prior to committing yourself to someone else. A very sensitive topic for a few reasons.  Because of a 4-year relationship with an ex that hadn't quite been "cut-off" with yet, "my previous other" consequently put us both through emotional hell for a year and a half. I never, EVER, want to be compared to someone else's ex all the time, or to have to listen to "they were this and they were that", or have to play tug of war with someone who was with me out of convenience.  Thinking about those first 2 years still makes me so emotional because you, I and anyone shouldn't have to be someone's "side thing" while they decide what they want from you and someone else. Why? Because I put myself in the same situation with someone else shortly after I was separated, and it made me feel the same way. I'm make stupid choices. So don't do it. 

Lastly,

This is the last post and time I'll mention or talk about my previous marriage. I'm over it and I moved on. So last time it'll be mentioned again.

 MARRIAGE is HARD WORK! However, it'll be even harder to actually stay married when you realize you or your other half aren't ready to give up your independence or selfish habits while your still married. 

 I am NOT an expert at dating or marriage, but for myself these are tidbits that I keep in my journal because I don't wanna repeat any of them. For years, I didn't feel. I just felt negative or couldn't return feelings to anyone who may have had 'em for me. I'm glad I do today :-)
And I'm happily with someone who doesn't pressure me or make me feel like I have to get married right away because I'm not ready anytime soon.

SO ANYWAY,

HAPPY October to everyone. 
This Halloween I'm gonna be Lara Croft because I love Angelina Jolie, and my hair is finally long enough.

PAU

ADULTING

I'm hustling this month so no galavanting all over the world.
Das' y hard when last month was strictly vacationing, mini-vacaying, splurging + sick for a week.

#imahustlaimaimahustlahomie

And summer is coming to an end soon :-( 

Come away with me to my home. Lucky I live Hawaii. Lucky I live North Shore. 

*wooop *wooop 

**Health Disclaimer**
I went to the hospital because I KO-ed on the airplane.

yes i did take a selfie in the hospital.....cuz i like bah!

I cannot thank EVERYONE enough for super sweet texts, messages, phone calls and voicemails. Honestly, I've never felt so loved by so many people.

Das' y harrrd on the plane coming from OAK to HNL on Sunday:

- The WORST "lady-cramps" ever happened within 1 hr and half after plane takes off
-Cyst on ovaries popped because of "lady-cramps" (sorry tmi)
- Way too dehydrated and no breakfast except a watery 16oz Jamba Juice
- I've had 2 swollen throat glands for one month (thus I don't drink/eat a whole lot) due to sleep deprivation. Those suckers were THROBBING Sunday morning before the flight.
- My body has been begging me to slow down for a while now because I just don't. I really am not kidding when I say I'm busy about 90% of the time and hardly rest or sleep in between.

And alllll that hit me on the airplane in one day :-/

For being constantly on the go, I'll try and rest more, or at least slow down a little.

So this month is dedicated to summer recovery and getting back into end-of-summer work mode.
I'm busy. If I can't hang out or don't have a whole lot of time to see people, its because I'm flying, jiu-jitsuing, teaching surf lessons, dancing in town every other night, taking pictures/hair/makeup for people, driving all over the island, or I'm too frekn tired.

And ending summer means being a normal functioning adult again.

THUS:

Adulting = Habits, manners, and actions that to make you more tolerable in 'adult world'.  *my definition*

• Used in a sentence:  Responsible adulting means paying a worthwhile tip at a restaurant, instead of a few crappy quarters. 

Stuff that makes me be a better adult when I actually do them: 

1) Love yourself.  

I am ridiculously vain at times.  I am also wildly insecure on other days.  In between those, I'm confident to be me.  Love yourself and in turn you'll love others too.  

2) Get out and do. 

Don't reason, don't "what-if" and don't tell yourself why you can't. Just do it. In other words, stop limiting yourself. JUST DO.

#2 inspired by my favorite man-friend in guy world. He got out! 

3) BALANCE your life!

Work, play, sleep, exercise, eat good food, and take care of you. I really dislike INTENSE people. Intense meaning you focus so much on one area in life that you become so OCD that you irritate the hell out of everyone around you because you're so intense!!! Yup, balance!

  

4) Don't fall In Love With Potential - 

Love them for who stands before you today, not the hope of who they will become tomorrow. Falling in love with potential is a mistake. You're gonna push someone away, or someone is gonna push you away by trying to make you into someone else that you're not ready to be or it's just not who you are. I learned a valuable lesson from this when I was married. I used to do it to my ex-husband. I'm sorry for that Jerome.  In friendship world (as I really don't want to date so I'm just friend-shipping)  I've been told "But you have soooo much potential" by a few of these friendshippers. I'm me. And that's probably why I haven't dated any one of them and still have no boyfriend because of who I am, and because most of 'em can't relate to or superficially try to understand the circumstances that made me who I am today. I want to be who I am, not what someone else wants. I'm sure everyone wants that too.  

5) Be so happy that it makes other people around you want to be happy too. (kushandwizdom quote)

6) Stop getting so worked up over crap you sho' as heck can't control.

 This includes road rage. I am the queen of road rage, but I've been trying to be more patient on the road by swearing out my window, a little less.

7) Criticize less. 

We're human, and we do it naturally. So do it less than you normally do. No need to be a  'Negative-Nelly' and a 'Debbie-Downer'. No one likes them. And if you are one, you probably don't realize it and that's why you think you have so much drama in your life. It's not life and it's not me.............................it really is just you. 

8) People, and a lot of them, are idiots. It doesn't mean you also have to be one. So do the world a huge favor and read some books, do a sudoku puzzle, think smarter, be smarter, and remember your manners everywhere you go............................especially when you're on an airplane ;-)

9) Pray every morning. If you're not religious, then meditate or something. Or just "MMMMMMMMMMUUMMMMMM" in the car for 5 minutes while your driving.

10) Pick up trash. Even if it's not yours, it teaches you respect for Mother Nature who already gives us so much. Don't pick up trash if it's dressed in heels, carries an STD, has a time limit and costs money.

11) DETOX your life. Get rid of toxic habits and comparisons that make you feel like your life is not pinterest worthy.  #aintnobodygottimefo'dat.

So practice your ADULTING. 

No. Not adultering

because #aintnobodygottimefodat #yeslessonlivedandlearned, but ADULTING. 

AND

My doctor ordered a week long rest of no work, no physical activity and pain pills. THUS, I'm taking a mini-vacay to Waimea,Big Island as of tomorrow. 

To visit this lucky guy #thankuflyingbenefits #kuigotnoIG #justfriendsthatcruise

 :-)

I recommend you all read the book: Adulting. By Kelly Williams Brown.   If you no can pay, go visit her blog:  adultingblog.com. 

PAU

And we can't stop. And we won't stop.

“The heart surrenders everything to the moment. The mind judges and holds back.”
― Ram Dass

I highly recommend reading "Be Here Now" and "Be Love Now" teachings of Ram Dass. #aintnobodygottimefornegativeshizzz .  

We are all here for a reason on a particular path
You don't need a curriculum to know that you are part of the math
Cats think I'm delirious, but I'm so damn serious
That's why I expose my soul to the globe, the world
I'm trying to make it better for these little boys and girls
I'm not just another individual, my spirit is a part of this
That's why I get spiritual, but I get my hymns from Him

-Kanye West feat. J-Ivy: Never Let Me Down

The sum of the past month in my life:

Aotearoa 

Went to Utah

......pretty hoku
sending down a special little twinkle for your brown eyes
your pretty lovely brown eyes.......('He Aloha Mele', Iva Kinimaka)

Hoku

Hoku and Diesel

Wessy

Bella and Moani

San Diego

The Shout Bar.

Kick @#$% music from two college kids jammin' on the piano.

Bronchitis Week (too much flying. Not enough sleep)

THEN:

VACATION in AUSTRALIA

 SHELLY BEACH

 Sydney Harbour Lookout

 Sea Side Pools along Manly

I got super lucky with an awesome traveler buddy. We lucked out everywhere we went, and we also walked and walked and walked everywhere to get to places. 

All in all, Thanks Kui for flying with me and being down to do everything! Thanks Si for driving all the way from your house to the airport and to Manly. Thanks Kahanu for being our chaperone and slumber party host. And Thanks to Heavenly Father for making everything work out nearly perfectly. 

The 3 Amigos and Sleepless in Sydney City

 REUNITED:  With Si

 

So on this bike trip I thought I'd bmx it on a 6 inch curb. EPIC FAIL. Instead I got a flat front tire, chain ripped off, AND we walked the bikes down hill until we found a bus willing to take us back to the town. 

But we saw some sick views while we were walking the bikes around:

Aussies were good to us. 

Ferries, Taxis, Trains, Car rides, Bike Rides, walking, walking, towing 100lbs suitcases and walking all over Sydney and Surfing. 

Best Vacay in a while, and perfect way to hit mid-Summer. 

Life.

I'm lucky.

I am in this place where I feel excited just to be alive.

I know what it's like to hate everything, but I'm not there anymore. Hallelujah.

I am surrounded by awesome people, and am fortunate that I keep meeting beautiful people everywhere. 

I'm more myself these days, and know more of what and who I am. 

“Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before, but rather allowing what is now to move us closer to God.” 

― Ram Dass

I've had a few people ask me where I'm going in life, or if I'm getting married anytime soon, or if I'm thinking about settling down and blah blah blah. 

The answer is: Neeeeegative. Most people don't get to travel and be and grow on their own, so I'm not rushing anything.

My moving closer to God and being spiritual and centered may be unorthodox, but it works for me. I can't use "gospel" or whatever related "righteousness" as a crutch to try to persuade anyone that I'm doing "good" or whatever their concept of good is. I'd be lying if I write a whole bunch of scriptures and righteous quotes on this post saying that I'm a different person.

I'm quite normal. I have some good standards and morals that I don't follow most of the time, but I try when I can. 

I haven't fallen off the deep end. I'm just at peace with myself and my surroundings. 

And like I've said before, I NEVER would've thought life and all that could get any better. I'm not gonna rush into doing things because I like my own pace. 

I'm glad I can wake up for once, and feel so sure that I can change my circumstances or the day. 

P.S. I'm not gonna lie, I love "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus. Heard it on the radio, and it's catchy. Thus my post title.

PAU