Imperfection

5 months since I've written a blog post. Not that I haven't had anything interesting to write about, but mostly for privacy.  I hadn't realized how many people actually read my blog, and after tracking the page-views for the first time in 4 years, I was nervous to write again. 900+ readers for each blog post is exciting, until "crazies" try to contact you because they connected with you on some weird level :-/ :-/ Connection is great, but connecting with a more than a few "crazy's" is not so much.

yup basically that's what happened

But anyway, 

I've got a head full of incessant thoughts, so here's a new post :)

Small updates about me-

1) Baby Roxy is 10 months old. She is addicted to water, has a natural golden tan, a non-stop smile, can say, "dot" and "mom mom", is fascinated with the QVC channel, and is obsessed with animals (especially dogs and roosters).

2) We eat healthy. Really healthy. And we're trying to grow our own food. I figure if a tsunami or hurricane comes, I'll be able to live off my kalo plants, papaya trees, and carrots for a while ;-) I'm slowly changing our lifestyle because I'm hella tired of being TIRED. Our digestive systems use to produce enough gas to inflate a hot air balloon AND sail across the Pacific Ocean (*tmi*):-/ With a few diet changes, we both have more energy and less gas (*tmi*).  I used to crave dark chocolate Talenti Gelato every single day, and now I can't even finish half of a plastic container of it without gagging. Healthy eating in Hawaii is expensive, so we make changes where we can afford.  Feel free to follow my fitness/food IG: lanealovesfood

 

my papaya seedlings

 3) I'm flying on planes again. I love flying. I'd rather be at the beach or home with my pepe li'ili'i (small baby), but flying gives me the opportunity to socialize and use my "adulting" skills to talk like an adult without using my high-pitched baby voice ;-)

Hair/Makeup is my alter-ego that's put to use on weekends with weddings, proms, special events, and hula performances. I get some wicked gigs, and get to meet some incredible women. Check out my website, I just updated it:

laneasnow.com

But anyway,

A few days ago, I had a pretty enlightening conversation with a very good friend. On the topic of social media, we laughed, agreed, disagreed, and commented on different facebooks and statuses. My friend then remarked on my life saying how "perfect" and "incredibly happy" I must be all the time, based on my social media outlets.

That's not true. 

Not at all. 

I guess judging from facebooks or instagrams, OF COURSE  everyone thinks the 'grass is greener', when they see "filtered perfection" of people's achievements and fine-doings online.  Sometimes I feel like social media is a huge stage. Like the amount of "friends" or virtual "likes" or "hearts" is your self validation of "applause" from your audience. Looking at it that way, it's easy to see why posting gets addicting. Facebook and instagram is great, and I admit that I gag at times, from "my life is so perfect and great" photos or statuses and it does make me feel like my life isn't as eventful as it could be (my cousin Brandi knows what I'm talking about).

So on that note, here's some truth to my life's imperfections:

'ain't that the truth?

•  Motherhood is incredible......and exhausting and frustrating and hard. I only have one baby, so I give huge props to women like my sister Emi who have more than one. I like sharing photos of my little HAPPY Roxy. It's angry, sad, incredibly tired, hungry, not cooperative Roxy that I don't have photos of because during those trying moments, I most likely have thrown my phone at the wall in frustration, or I myself am crying from sleep deprivation :)

•  I have slight body insecurities. I gained 40 lbs in my pregnancy, and still have 20 lbs that sit around my waist, and keep me extra warm on cold Hawaii nights ;-) They also prevent me from fitting into my clothes, while my non-existent wallet full of money prevents me from buying new ones that fit. It's a lose-lose situation. 

• Flight attendant-ing is an amazing job (which I am truly grateful to have). It's also a job that demands sleep deprivation, an incredible amount of patience and EMPATHY,  a constant bloated body, a lot of time away from your family, and a never-ending war of carry-on luggage that should've been check in at the gate. 

In my own marriage, my social media doesn't convey all the HARD parts of life (and of course my hubby doesn't mind me listing some of our struggles):

1.   When we get really angry, makeup gets broken, Kindle's get thrown away (this is my subtle way of letting him know what actually happened to his Kindle that he thinks is still 'misplaced'), clothes get shredded (doesn't matter my clothes rarely fit me anyway so if it's his I don't care either), cupboard doors slam, and yelling competitions ensue.
2.  I pack up my "irreplaceable" belongings and drive faraway with Roxy, where we usually end up watching movies together with a beautiful meal, as we take all the credit cards and debit cards with us too ;-)
3. Sometimes we don't talk for a week.
4. Verbal "low-blows" about each other's past gets thrown out in the open that we both don't have a right to bring up, but we both do anyway.
5. I still get relationship/marriage anxiety where I STILL want to re-plan my life and make it on my own without having to worry about compromising what I want to fit someone else's life too.
6. Marriage is HARD WORK. There's no happily ever after. It should be re-named: Compromising-together for ever after.

We don't post a lot of couple/date-night/lovey-dovey stuff because we like keeping our intimacy's and our bonding dates private (for the most part). And for the most part, despite our imperfections and crazy hectic lives, we love each other, even if we want to choke each other sometimes. 

 

But incase you do want some inspiration of a fulfilling life, get a load of some of my favorite IG's (some of which are friends of mine):

@sharkzcruz
@ambermozo
@breehawaii
@tutu_lii
@evanfa
@healthywealthywonderful
@jazznelsonkitchenstudios
@theartofcarlozmozo
@earthyandy
@mapuanareed

WHEW!

So in conclusion, we aren't perfect. Imperfection comes from the constant comparisons of our lives on social media. 

PAU.