The Second Time Around

Do people even read blogs anymore? Whatever. I haven't written since June (my baby's birth). I've been on cloud-9 for the past few months, and been busy as I adjusted to being a mom, secretly planning my wedding, and getting married. So whatevs.

This month marks my one-year together with Kui and IT HAS BEEN ONE HELLA  LONG YEAR. 

What's the best way to have a wedding? 

Plan it in January, and have it in September (the no-holiday month). Keep it secret. Don't send out written invites. Invite everyone verbally about 2-3 weeks prior to the wedding. Invite just the closest people to you.  Keep it stress-free. Make sure the place serves good food. And be in love. 

Learning to live with someone is just as hard the second time, as it is the first time. 

 Our days range from delightfully happy to "WWIII". Contrary to Mormon belief, living together (yes in sin since we obviously weren't married) doesn't mean that we had things harder or were punished in our relationship, it just means we go through the same issues all couples go through in their "first year" together. We just happened to not be married while doing it.

For the second time around, it's easier to adjust to someone else's living habits, and get back in the groove of doing everything for '2'. However, I'm quicker to bolt out the door at any little argument (and since I have awesome flying benefits, I also fly to a different island once I'm out the door).......and while I'm flying and bolting outta the house, I start replanning my life over again, while hastily making "back-up" plans.  The good and bad thing about divorce is that you learn to stand on your own, be your own person, and take care of yourself again.  The bad part is that you can stand your own, be your own person, and you'd rather just take care of yourself, and not marry again.  Slowly I've gotten over my insecurities and am learning to stay and work it out when it gets really tough. Luckily, I have a guy who wants to talk and solve everything right that moment, especially when I don't. Our little baby is also a reminder that we gotta watch our mouths and can't be "F-bombing" or saying nasty low-blows :) 

BUT ANYWAY

What I learned this second time around:

• Put God first. My life has grown tremendously, and it's the first time in YEARS (since I was 17 or 18) I actually 'TRY to be like Jesus'. It makes me feel better, it makes our house happier, and it's controlled my road raging. If you don't believe in God, then try being in tune in with your spiritual side, like yoga, tai chi or read some Eckhart Tolle and Ram Dass.  

• DONT RUSH TO GET MARRIED. There's nothing wrong with being single and free (just don't be telling everyone else to get married if you're not). Likewise date until you REALLY know who it is you're actually dating. Trust me, this is my 2nd time doing it! For my Mormon friends, don't get married because you want sex. I don't know how stupider you could be if that's the reason you want to be married. Marriage is a lot harder then being single, so stay single until you've become the type of person you want to marry. 

• Love your own company before you try to enjoy everyone else's.  Single-ness taught me to appreciate learning  about myself. Turns out, I needed it! I flew everywhere I wanted, beached at some sick secluded beaches, jiujitsu-d, boxed, graduated and moved out on my own, danced all over the world, flew to Maui every weekend to get Krispy Kremes, and spent a butt-load of time on all my hobbies. I was able to do EVERYTHING spontaneous and crazy that I'd wanted to do, and all before getting pregnant and settling down again. Now that I'm married, I don't have any regrets or longings to do stuff I've always wanted because I've done most of it (except visit HOBBITON :-(  (below are shots I took while living in the Cook Islands in 2011).

Got to visit and live in the cook islands for a month

• I hate cooking.  There was a time when I cooked every breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a year, in an entirely different country with odd ingredients/measurements, etc.,. Maybe it's because we're on the WIC diet (we only eat whatever we get from WIC). Maybe it's because my cooking is likened unto "that's not the way my grandma or mom cooks it" by my "other-half". Or maybe it's because I truly never liked cooking, and only realized it this second time around. 
• I'm 20x happier and 20x poorer than I've ever been. My baby has more clothes and belongings than both of us adults. My entire adulthood was spent buying/hoarding/attaining "stuff", yet I've never felt so happy to have so little as I do now. Our belongings fit into our little studio, and having a smaller space to live in, makes me pretty happy too. 

• I still dislike children (mostly active, naughty ones).  I only like and love my own baby.
  

• Have your own identity. I've said this in every relationship post I've ever posted. Yes, you become "one" when you're married, but I like having hobbies, interests, challenges, and accomplishments that are just mine. There's SO MUCH MORE to you than being known as "someone's wife or girlfriend or boyfriend". Be YOU first, and become a SOMEONE before you become "someone's". My old Marriage and Family Relations Professor at Byu-Hawaii was hilarious, Douglas Brinley. Read his ARTICLE. First comes God, then comes YOU, then your spouse, then your kids. 

• Exercise together. Something I've never done before with anyone else. I get pretty competitive and poor sport. Whatever, exercising together just feels good. 

• A little manners goes a looooong way.  Please and thank you is a huge concept that 'my other half' needed lots of reminding :-) My parents used to slap us if we didn't say 'excuse me' or 'please' or 'thank you' to every little thing we each did to each other. As kids we'd get lickins' if we interrupted my parents or adults while they're talking to other people. I still hate when kids do that. MANNERS. It's such a simple concept that's apparently rarer to find, hear, or see these days.
  
  
  
  
  
  And that's all.
  Here's to us :-)
  
  
  
  
  

PAU